Every New Day
by Dmarx
Summary: She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for Always. Sequel to Wake To The Light. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: Some of you probably read my one-shot _Wake to the Light_...if not you might want to, since this will make more sense if you do. It's a quick read, I promise. And since I had multiple people ask me to continue with it, here's the sequel! _

_Disclaimer: Most of the Castle crew is traveling the world right now. I'm sitting in my living room wishing it would stop raining. _

* * *

**Every New Day**

**Chapter 1**

"Kate?"

"Hmmm?"

She sleepily snuggles up against him, melding herself further into his warmth. Castle's arms automatically tighten around her, holding her there, keeping her close. Her confession this morning led to round four, which was the gentlest so far as Castle took great care to avoid the marks of her fight the previous day. And while wild and fast was amazing last night, slow and exploratory is equally as wonderful.

Now they are curled up together in the aftermath, tired and sated and so comfortable that neither ever wants to leave his bed. However, Alexis is due to return from her all-nighter in about an hour and a half and Castle had promised to have breakfast waiting for her upon arrival.

"Kate," he calls again, combing a hand through her hair and cupping the back of her head.

"Hmmm?"

"I need to get up."

"You just were," she shoots back sleepily, a pleased grin on her face.

Castle gives her side a playful squeeze, unable to suppress a laugh. "I love the way your mind works. But really, I need to get up. Alexis will be home soon and as much as I never want to leave this room, I need to go make breakfast."

"Okay." Kate sits up slowly, ignoring the protests of her body. The sheet falls down around her waist and it takes all of two seconds for Castle's eyes to find the exposed skin, settle there. Kate unconsciously folds in on herself, not used to having someone openly peruse her body. Not recently anyways, and certainly not since her shooting, since her scars.

He has seen it all already of course, between his fingers and his lips he has probably touched every inch of her. But not in the light of day.

Castle climbs out of bed, completely unaffected by his nakedness...not like that surprises her...and offers his hand to Kate. She slips her legs out from beneath the blankets and shyly takes the proffered hand, allows him to pull her to her feet. The moment she is steady he wraps her in his embrace, comforting, not arousing, just enjoying the feel of her body so close to his, her skin against his own. She silently buries her head in his neck, breathing him in, his scent mixed with hers after a night in each other's arms.

They stay there for a long moment, unmoving, just the sounds of their breaths filling the silence. Reveling in their togetherness.

"Shower," she murmurs eventually, pushing lightly on his shoulders. He steps back but does not relinquish his grip on her, brings her with him.

"Come with me."

"I just did."

Castle is not sure what is making him happier right now; that Kate is naked in his arms or that she is so happy and comfortable with him that she is throwing out the innuendos right and left this morning. He presses a smacking kiss to her cheek as he continues to guide her through to the bathroom, bodies still pressed together as they attempt to walk in unison without stepping on each other. Apparently their early morning coordination skills need a little work.

They eventually make it to the bathroom and only then does Castle let go of her to turn on the shower. Kate consciously avoids the mirror as she stands in the middle of the room, curling her toes against the cool tile, her arms crossed over her chest to stave off the chill of the air.

Once the water is warm and the steam begins curling through the room, Castle steps into the tub and holds out a hand to guide her in after him.

The stall is luxurious, with dual shower heads and beautiful tile and a smoky glass door, and Kate is pretty sure she can get used to this. Already is, actually.

What she has not imagined, however, is that she would have time to admire the décor during her first time in his shower. She has always imagined that her back would be pressed against the cool tiles, his firm body at her front as they devour each other. Of course, she also has not imagined that there would have been four rounds prior to getting into the shower.

Castle's hands never leave her the entire time as he holds her to him, watches the hot water sluice over their bodies, feels both of them relax beneath the heat and pressure.

After a good five minutes of just standing there, he pulls back and gently positions her head beneath the stream of water. She lifts her chin, leans back into his touch as his fingers caress her scalp, winding through her hair along with the water, wetting it thoroughly. He reaches for his shampoo with one hand, and the thought that she is going to smell like him ignites all sorts of warm feelings in his chest. Katherine Beckett is in his shower, with him, letting him wash her hair.

Wow.

He pours a generous dollop of shampoo onto his palm and massages it into her hair, nails lightly caressing her scalp. Kate melts into him, his touch, his everything, and allows him to take the lead, to wash away the previous day's grit and rain. She closes her eyes against the spray, feels the warmth wash over her, soothing her aching muscles and joints. She hurts already and she knows it is only going to get worse as the day goes on.

Castle washes and rinses her hair with a practiced ease while Kate stubbornly refuses to think about how his proficiency was acquired. It is probably a conversation they need to have at some point, but not now. Right now she just wants to bask in this beautiful new thing they have, avoid reality for a while longer.

It all comes crashing down on her, though, as Castle lathers up his hands and begins to run them over her skin. She winces as he touches her shoulder blades, battered from repeated contact with the cement roof, and he freezes.

"Sorry," he says softly, his arms dropping to hang by his side.

"It's okay," she urges. "Keep going.

"I can't. Not if it's going to hurt you."

She reaches up to cup his cheek, fighting the grimace that threatens to split her face as the pain shoots through her muscles. Her shoulders and elbows are strained from hanging by her arms, her hands and fingertips rubbed raw from clinging to the rough edge.

"I need this, Castle. I need yesterday afternoon gone. Keep going."

"Kate..."

"Please?"

Reluctantly he continues, hands tentatively working their way across her shoulders and down her arms, then back up to her clavicles, her sternum, her ribs. Kate's eyes are fixed on him as he lathers up her entire body, removing the dirt and grime and sweat from yesterday's battles...and last night's adventures. He pauses periodically to re-soap his hands and suppress the nagging voice in his head that is screaming at him for causing her pain despite her assurances that it is alright.

He works all the way down to her feet, then around behind her where his hands travel methodically up her body. He stands back when he is done, allows her to turn around beneath the spray and rinse away the suds. She then returns the favor for him, thoroughly lathering his hair and body, enjoying the feel of the soft strands between her fingers, his warm, tender skin under her hands.

They wind up back in each other's arms beneath the water for a few minutes before he finally reaches back and shuts it off. A fluffy towel makes its way into her hands and she gingerly dries her body before wrapping it around herself. Castle does the same and they step out of the stall into the spacious bathroom.

The mirror is completely fogged up from the steam and Castle reaches out with one hand to smudge it away. Kate laughs, finding it amusing yet not that surprising that he is the type to use his hands to clean the mirror. He probably draws pictures in it sometimes, too.

Castle's bright eyes meet hers in the glass and he freezes, the smile falling from his face in an instant.

"Kate..."

"What is it?"

He turns to her, traces a finger down her neck and across her collarbone. She follows his motions in the mirror and immediately latches onto what has him so worried, so choked up.

"God," he says almost to himself. "What did he do to you?"

"I told you," she reminds him though her own voice is weak as the memories overwhelm her.

"Kate..."

He un-tucks the towel and lets it fall to the floor, revealing an abundance of angry black and blue marks on her skin. Last night in the dark of the bedroom and just now in the muted tones of the shower the bruises had not been so obvious, but under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom they stand out.

There are finger marks on the sides of her neck, the pattern of Maddox's thumbs crisscrossing the front of her throat. Her stomach has turned an angry yellow and purple, and both of her hips are banged up as well. Castle carefully examines her, running his fingers along the rough edges of the bruises that mar her body. Most of her back is either black and blue or scraped raw from being repeatedly thrown down on the cement, and he is sure there are an equal number of bruises that are not visible on her skin.

He turns, meets her eyes in the mirror, worried and angry and apologetic.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispers, an echo of her words last night in his foyer. She is not sure what she is apologizing for; the fact that she did not listen to him and nearly died or the fact that he has to see the aftermath. Probably both.

"I just can't...he beat you up, Kate."

"I know."

"He tried to kill you."

"I know."

"He tried to take you away from me forever."

A tear slips from the corner of her eye, trails a path down her cheek. "I know."

"You can't..."

"I'm done, Castle, remember? I'm done with it. No more case." She turns and kisses him deeply, mollifying his fears and calming his anger at Maddox. "Just you and me now, okay? Just you and me."

She has no idea what just the two of them means, exactly. What is she going to do with her time now that she is not a Detective? How is she going to support herself (obviously Castle would say that she does not need to but she refuses to not have her own steady source of income)? How long is it going to be before she wants to go back to the precinct, regrets walking away? It all seemed so clear yesterday as she dangled from the edge of the rooftop. It still is, really. She still stands by her decisions, but inevitably there will be a moment where the full impact of her choices comes crashing down on her and Kate has no idea what she is going to do when that time arises.

Castle's hands come to rest on her waist, careful to avoid the sensitive areas, and his touch draws her from her inner stream of questions.

"Do you want some ibuprofen or anything? And I'm sure I have something to put on your scrapes and bruises."

She shakes her head, eyes scanning her own reflection, changes her mind when she sees how bad it really is. "Actually, yeah, it would probably be a good idea."

Castle drops a kiss on her shoulder before stepping away to rifle through the cupboards. Kate meanders back into the bedroom, makes her way to his enormous walk-in closet to peruse her options. He finds her there just as she is pulling on a pair of his way-too-big-for-her sweatpants, wraps his arms around her from behind and leaves a kiss in her hair.

She smells like him. He is never going to get used to this.

He dresses quickly in boxers, pajama pants, and a t-shirt before tending to Kate.

"Here." Castle opens a tube of arnica cream and begins to gently dab it over all of the nasty-looking marks on her body, taking his time to work it in, fully cover each area. She flinches a couple of times but relaxes again as the cream cools her skin. He coats the scrapes on her upper back in Neosporin, covers them with soft bandages.

"Thanks," she murmurs as he steps back and closes the tubes. He tugs a shirt from its hanger, helps her aching arms into the sleeves and buttons it up. The fabric is soft on her skin and loose enough that it should still allow the cream to work its magic.

He presses his lips to her forehead and lingers there, feels her lean into his touch. "There's ibuprofen on the bathroom counter."

She lifts her arm and catches his empty hand as it falls to his side, twines their fingers together. "You're so good to me," she murmurs, leans into his side as they cross the room.

He tilts his chin, brushes his lips to her temple. He does not think he will ever tire of tasting her skin, touching her, kissing her.

"I love you."

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait between chapters...I was kinda stuck. But apparently all it takes to get back into my groove is watching the kiss scene on repeat a gazillion times. Hence...the second chapter. This did not go as planned and I also didn't get through as much as I'd hoped, so this fic is lining up to be much longer than I anticipated (not that anyone is probably complaining about that fact)._

_Disclaimer: The Castle crew is still traveling the world. This time I'm in my living room wishing it would stop snowing. Seriously, it's almost June!_

* * *

_Previously: "I love you."_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Kate freezes, her grip unconsciously tightening on his hand, feet rooted to the spot. He keeps walking but is quickly brought to a halt by her un-moving form, her fingers clenching down on his.

"Kate?"

No response.

"Did I hurt you?"

She shakes her head, forces herself to take calming breaths. He loves her. She already knows that, has for almost a year. And yet, this is the first time that the words have spilled from his mouth so freely; no cemetery or bullets or arguments. Just pure, unbridled love.

"Then wha...oh." He replays the words in his head, immediately latches on. "I..."

She turns rapidly, silences him with a firm kiss. It is going to take some getting used to, just simply allowing herself to be loved so openly and wholly. As are his words, spoken so easily. But she does not want him to apologize for them or backtrack or try to explain. She does not want him to hesitate to say them, because she likes...loves...hearing them.

She also knows that it hurts her, probably him too, that she has not yet said it back, and something twists in her chest each time she does not return the sentiment. Because she loves him so much and it is killing her not to tell him but she needs the circumstances to be right because this is important and he is everything and this is _it_ for her even if it is terrifying to consider the permanency of that concept.

So she shows him instead, arms tight around his shoulders as she explores his mouth, tongue hot and probing. He returns the ministrations just as avidly, leaving no doubt as to whether he understands her feelings and intentions. She probably owes him an explanation, and hopefully in the next couple of days she will be able to come up with one that does not sound...pathetic and lame.

But for now, her actions will have to suffice. And given the broad smile on his face as she pulls away, she is pretty sure that it is enough, at least for now.

Castle will not lie to himself and say that he is not dying to hear her say the words, because he is. Wants it, craves it, needs it, almost as badly as he needs her. And he is pretty sure that she does...love him, that is. Pretty sure he understands why she is holding back. He can see it in her eyes every time she looks at him, could feel it last night and this morning in the way she touched him, moved with him. After all, she did give up her mother's case for him. She walked away from her job, from everything she has spent her life fighting, for him. Two days ago, that case was the most important thing in her life. Yesterday, she turned her back on it and came to him, and that puts him somewhere near the top of the list now, right?

They hold each other's gaze for a few moments, Kate allowing her eyes to say what her mouth has not, silently begging Castle to understand, to know that she does love him, more than anything. He squeezes her hand, drops a kiss on the tip of her nose. Kate lifts her free hand to cup his jaw, brushes a light kiss across his lips.

"Didn't mean to catch you off-guard," he murmurs against her lips.

It never ceases to amaze her, just how well he understands her. It used to be terrifying; now it is just one more thing she loves about him.

She shakes her head, kisses him again. "It's okay. It just...I do, Castle," she adds in clarification, suddenly desperate for him to know. "I just...so much has changed and I need..."

"I get it," he says softly. "You need to find your footing."

"Yeah," she breathes, so thankful for her wonderful partner and his patience and understanding and love. "I just...I don't want you to doubt that."

"I don't," he assures her.

"Okay."

She kisses him once more, soft and sweet, before pulling away and continuing on their way to the bathroom. Her hand is still twined with his and it takes a moment for his feet to catch up, his brain to remember where they are going after their moment of...distraction.

Back in the bathroom, Kate reaches for the toothbrush he provided for her last night while he sets about shaving. She finishes first, replaces the toothbrush and searches for a hairbrush, not surprised when she opens the drawer and finds more than one. Only Richard Castle would have as many hairbrushes as she does. She runs it through her hair, unraveling the tangles, then secures her damp curls back into a loose braid.

Kate catches Castle watching her more than once, razor frozen in mid-air, and considers calling him on it until she realizes she is equally guilty. It should bother her, really, that it is only their first morning together and she is standing in his bathroom, in his clothes, leaning against the counter and watching him shave. But it does not, because this is right and she would not trade it for a thing.

"What's for breakfast?" she asks as he stows the razor, runs his fingers through his hair to muss it up in that adorable way.

"Figured I'd do French toast and bacon and eggs. That sound okay?"

The nagging voice in the back of his head is reminding him that he should make pancakes; after all, Esposito had said that they were an edible way of saying 'thank you so much for last night.' But he is not sure anything, words, food, or otherwise, could ever convey his feelings about last night. Or about her in general.

And when she nods and smiles and brushes her lips over his cheek, he decides that he will make her French toast and bacon every single day if it will make her smile at him like that.

* * *

Castle is just finishing up the scrambled eggs when the front door opens. He hears footsteps followed by the door closing and a called out 'Dad, I'm home!'

Alexis appears in the kitchen, mouth open, poised to launch into a story of last night's adventures when her eyes land on Kate and she freezes.

"Hey sweetie," Castle says brightly as he empties the rest of the eggs into a large serving bowl, ignoring the instant discomfort that seems to have settled over the room.

"Hi Alexis," Kate offers, not oblivious to the teen's searching eyes and calculating expression.

Alexis looks from her father to Kate, notices the casual attire and the fact that both still have wet hair. It is obvious that Kate spent the night, and Alexis has every reason to be hesitant given recent events between her father and his partner. Not to mention that she really does not need to think about her dad spending the night with anyone, even if it is someone she knows rather than some random woman from a party or book signing.

"Detective Beckett."

Kate has only not been a Detective for less than a day but it already sounds weird as it is no longer her official title. It also sends a pang through her chest, longing and a bit of regret maybe. It is bound to sink in at some point, after all. She just hoped that her inner peace and this blissful new thing with Castle would go unspoiled for longer than one day.

But Alexis is looking at her warily and Kate should probably offer some sort of greeting. "Congratulations," she says, hoping to dispel some of the tension.

"Thanks," Alexis replies with a slightly stilted smile.

Castle finishes setting out dishes with a flourish, steps in to hug his daughter and hopefully ease the atmosphere a bit. "How was your night?"

"So much fun," Alexis gushes, Kate's presence for now seemingly accepted or pushed aside or maybe just plain ignored.

Castle passes around plates and the three of them dish up while listening to Alexis chat about last night, sharing funny stories and anecdotes. Kate sits quietly for the most part, laughing and smiling but speaking minimally. She will have to work things out with Alexis, anticipates a not-so-pleasant conversation with the young girl. But Alexis has a right to be skeptical and to understand where Kate is coming from. And it needs to happen soon, because if the two of them cannot reach an understanding then she and Castle do not stand a chance.

Silence falls only as they finish their meal, Alexis having run out of stories or energy or both. Kate is perched on a bar stool next to Castle and their hands are twined and resting on his thigh, out of view of the teen, but they are sitting close enough that the girl can probably deduce that they are touching in some way. Alexis is sitting across from them, studiously avoiding making eye contact with Kate as she pushes the remaining bite of French toast around her plate.

"Umm, Kate?" Alexis finally asks tentatively, briefly meeting her eyes before glancing away again.

"Yes?"

"What happened to your...umm...neck? Are those bruises?"

Oh. Right. The horrible black and blue hand prints on her skin that look and feel awful, that she has been trying to avoid thinking about. The ones that now have Alexis regarding Kate even more warily than she already was.

"Yes," Kate answers truthfully. Alexis does not need details but she deserves honesty at the very least. "I got in a fight yesterday."

"On a case?"

"Yeah. It was..." her eyes flick to Castle's, unsure of how much she should tell, how much Alexis already knows.

"With a sniper," Castle cuts in. "The man who...at the funeral last year."

He cannot bring himself to say the words 'shot her,' even after a full year has passed, because though the memory has become less overwhelming it is still there and it still haunts him in the dead of night when he cannot sleep.

"Who...oh," Alexis breaths as it dawns on her, the horrific memory flashing through her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...it hurts now, but I will be in a few days."

"Did you get him?"

Kate shakes her head.

"I'm...I'm sorry," Alexis offers, unsure of what else to say. What else is appropriate, really, in this situation?

"It's okay," Kate assures her. "I'm done...I'm done chasing him. It's not worth it."

"Oh." The surprise is obvious in her features. "Okay, well, that's good I guess?"

"It is," Kate agrees quickly, squeezing Castle's hand and offering him a small smile. "It's good."

"Okay," Alexis says more to herself than anyone else, seeming to accept not only Kate's explanation but also her presence at the loft. "Well I haven't slept at all in over a day so I'm going to bed. I'll uh, see you later."

"Sleep well," Castle calls after her as she deposits her dishes in the sink and heads upstairs.

Alexis tosses a smile over her shoulder just as she disappears from view, leaving Castle and Kate sitting awkwardly at the bar.

"Uh, so that didn't go so well," Kate manages finally.

Castle leans over to kiss her cheek, unlacing their hands so he can cup her jaw, soothing away the tense lines that were forming there. "She'll come around," he assures her as he drops to the floor and begins to clean up the mess from breakfast. "Trust me, she will," he adds on at her obvious doubt.

Kate still looks skeptical but pushes it away, clings to Castle's belief in his daughter. She needs things to be okay, because while she would walk away in an instant if Alexis asked her to, it would completely tear her apart and she refuses to imagine her life without Castle, knows that she would never be able to put her heart back together. And she never _ever_ wants to experience that scenario.

They clean in silence, lost in thought as they move around each other as though this is a practiced routine. She washes the dishes and he dries them and puts them away. Leftovers find their way into the fridge and counters are wiped down and if this is how Kate looks in his kitchen, Castle is never going to let her leave.

It is probably too soon to even be thinking about asking her to move in. Hell, they have not even defined what they are yet, though it is not like there is any doubt in either of their minds.

But he is more than ready for her to come live at the loft and fall asleep with him at night and wake in his arms in the morning and make him coffee after breakfast as they sit shoulder-to-shoulder on his sofa both dressed in his clothing. He is ready to see her interact with his daughter on a daily basis and become a part of his family, the missing part that he has yearned for for so long.

She is his forever. He already knows that.

And he desperately wants to make sure that she knows that, too.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: This fic just seems to have a mind of its own. In my head, it was going to be 4 chapters. So far, I haven't even made it through what was originally supposed to be chapter 2. So I present to you another chapter that ended up nothing like I intended._

_Disclaimer: It's finally sunny, but I'm still not enjoying an African Safari. My job doesn't provide a hiatus._

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"So...now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"What comes next?" Kate asks, shifting on the sofa to curl one leg beneath her, angling her body towards his.

Castle shrugs, knowing she is looking beyond simply the rest of today. "Anything you want."

She hesitates, opens her mouth but shuts it again without speaking.

"What is it?" he encourages gently, reaching out to snag her hand.

"I don't...I don't know what I want to come next." This is the first time in her life that Kate has not had the foreseeable future planned out before her and it is a strange feeling. At times it feels freeing, something to relish in and simply sit back and enjoy. At others, it is terrifying to consider that everything she has ever known no longer holds the same meanings, the same levels of importance. She does not know if it is supposed to be this way, if the alternating feelings of confusion and ease and panic will ever fade.

But somehow having Castle here makes it better, because she can always count on him to know what to say, how to allay her fears.

"Well...I know Alexis wants to go to the Hamptons for a couple weeks. You could come with us," he offers hesitantly, unsure if it is too much, too soon. It is only their first morning together after all, and he is basically asking her to come live with him for two weeks. Not that he has any qualms or complaints, but she might. Or she might have plans or not want to leave the city or...

She shakes her head right away, automatic reflex to three years of turning down his offers, and a pang of guilt shoots through her at that thought. "No, I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with your daughter."

Okay, or there is that consideration. Not what he was expecting, but he loves how much she respects Alexis and their father-daughter time. Loves that she accepts that Alexis is part of the package. Loves that she is making so much of an effort to ensure that this new thing will not upset the balance of Alexis's life with him.

However, out at the Hamptons, there will be plenty of time for father-daughter activities as well as many others.

"Mother will be there, too."

She continues to shake her head. "I couldn't, Castle. It's not right for me to just barge in on your family."

"Kate," he says softly, lifting a hand to cup her jaw. "You're family now too. I know it may seem uncomfortable at the moment, but it'll all work out."

She pauses, takes time now to actually consider his offer. It sounds amazing, really. Time on the beach, away from the city and everything she is still coming to grips with leaving behind. She has no job, no real need to stay in Manhattan. And she probably really needs the vacation.

"You don't have to," he assures her, hand falling to twine with hers again just as she has come to her decision. "But I want you to know that you're more than welcome."

He wants her there. She wants to be there. And though she could probably come up with quite a few reasons why she should not go, she does not want to. She is done living behind excuses when it comes to Castle. Things are different now, and it is going to take some getting used to, but this an optimal place to begin.

"Yes," she says firmly leaving no room in her voice or either of their minds for any doubt. "That sounds perfect."

Castle smiles widely, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in that adorable way that lets her know he is happy...completely and truly happy...and he leans over to join their lips in a sweet kiss, a thank you and I love you and I'm-so-happy-you-said-yes all wrapped up in the gesture.

She finds his smile is contagious, feels her own blossoming, warmth spreading through her, suffusing her veins. She guides him back in with a gentle nip at his bottom lip, kisses him again. It is really just an awkward meeting of lips since they are both grinning broadly, but neither cares, because they can do this now, whenever they want to.

All the time.

The next two weeks are going to be so incredibly amazing.

* * *

She spends the entire day at the loft, leaving Castle's touch only for a few minutes at a time. They watch a movie smashed together on the couch, prepare a casual lunch side-by-side in the kitchen, spend an inordinate amount of time just cuddled up together, move around each other with teasing brushes of hands as they make dinner that evening.

It is beautiful and comfortable and domestic and just...right.

So right.

Alexis reappears just in time for dinner and the three share a friendly meal around the table. The conversation still lacks its normal easy flow, and Alexis is obviously still tense, but it is better than this morning. Less hesitant and more accepting, especially with Castle there as a buffer.

Alexis excuses herself first, disappears back upstairs, and Kate knows that is her cue to have a chat with the teen, work out this awkward tension that is hanging between them, unasked questions and suppressed concerns weighing down on them both.

She slips from the kitchen after Castle vehemently insists that he will take care of the dishes, makes her way up the stairs to the closed door that she assumes in Alexis's room. The butterflies in her stomach are out in full force now because though Castle is certain that it will all be okay, this is a defining moment of their new relationship. Partnership. Whatever it is. This is the moment where Kate either makes things right or walks away for the good of Castle and Alexis.

She knocks softly, hears a muffled, "Come in," from beyond the door.

"Hi, Alexis." Kate opens the door a crack, peeks her head in. From the shock on the girl's face, she is obviously expecting her father. "Can I come in?"

"Umm, yeah." Alexis sets aside her computer, turns on the bed so she is facing Kate, who is standing awkwardly near the door, glancing around the room.

"You can...sit," the teen offers, gesturing to her desk chair.

Kate crosses the room in stilted, awkward strides, slides into the chair and twines her hands in her lap to stop herself from fidgeting.

"So, you probably weren't expecting me," she begins, unsure of where else to start. Maybe she should have thought this through _before_ now.

"You spent the night." It is not a question, but it certainly breaks the ice, defines where this conversation is headed.

"I did."

"With my dad."

"Is that awkward for you?" Kate asks.

"No, not...well I mean, yes, because he's my dad. And I know he does...things..."Alexis stammers awkwardly, face reddening, "umm...ewww. I guess it was just...unexpected?"

Unexpected. Kate can work with unexpected, because is better than awkward or horrible or unwelcome. And it was unexpected for herself and Castle as well. Very much so.

"Is it...are you okay with it?"

"I don't know," she answers fairly. "I'm not...I mean I know that my dad...well, that's for him to tell you. But he's not exactly subtle, you know. He was obviously upset yesterday and it was right after he went to see you, so I guess I don't know what's going on. I thought things weren't good, but now you're here and Dad's obviously really happy and I'm glad he is and...I'm rambling, I'm sorry," Alexis says abruptly.

"No, continue," Kate encourages. "Because he's your Dad and you have a right to ask me these things. And if I'm going to be here, I want to make sure you're okay with it."

She shrugs, fiddles with a cuticle as she gathers her thoughts. "I guess...what happened? Am I allowed to ask that? I mean, I know you stopped working on the case."

Kate nods. "I'm done now, yes, but I wasn't at first. That's why your father was upset with me yesterday. He tried to get me to stop. He's been...investigating behind my back. I don't know...it's not for me to tell probably..."

"I knew," Alexis interjects. "I mean, I didn't know what it was, but I knew he was doing something with it. He started last summer after some strange phone call."

"From a mystery man, yes. I found out and I was furious. I said...gosh, I don't even remember exactly what they were but I'm sure that I said some pretty awful things to him. He told me he was just keeping me safe and I told him he basically had no right to do so. I wouldn't listen to him so he...he left."

Kate's voice breaks on the last words and she lifts a hand to swipe at a traitorous tear. Crying in front of his daughter was most certainly not on the agenda for the evening.

"So why did you come back?" There is maybe a hint of accusation in Alexis's tone of voice but mostly just honest curiosity and a desire to understand.

"Because I didn't listen to what he said to me and he was right. I almost...well, the fight I told you about," she gestures to her bruised neck, "it didn't end well. And I thought..." Kate pauses, debating how best to phrase this without giving Alexis nightmares. "I thought I'd never have a chance to apologize to your dad. I thought I'd never have a chance to tell him that he means so much to me. And when I was given a second chance, I realized that I didn't want to use it for solving my case because there were things that were far more worthwhile."

"So you came here?"

"I did. And your dad was...mad. Really mad. And we still have some things to work out. But I know that we will."

Alexis nods, silently mulls things over for a minute while Kate anxiously awaits her next words. "Did he tell you?" she asks finally. "How he feels?"

Kate smiles to herself. "He did, yes."

"Did...did you?"

"I...haven't yet. But I will," Kate adds quickly, dissipating the protest that is forming on Alexis's lips. "Very soon. I just...I need a couple days to get my bearings back. Yesterday was overwhelming to say the least."

"But you're going to?"

"Yes," Kate assures her.

"Okay. Then I guess...I guess I'm fine with everything."

"So if I'm around a lot more now, you won't mind?"

The teen shrugs. "I mean, I'm leaving soon anyways, so I'm glad my dad will have you here."

"But I don't want to get in the way of you and your dad," Kate replies firmly. "I don't want to take him away from you and I don't want you to feel like I'm doing that, okay? And you have every right to call me out on it if it happens."

Alexis's eyes soften at this, her entire body relaxes as Kate's concern and level of caring permeate the barrier of the girl's stubbornness. Kate seems serious about this, and though Alexis still does not entirely trust her, hearing her words just now has afforded a place to begin coming to terms with recent changes.

"Okay."

Kate smiles meekly and Alexis offers one in return, something to fill in the silence.

"One more thing," Kate speaks after a moment.

"What?"

"Your dad invited me up to the Hamptons with you guys...you were wanting to go, correct?"

Alexis nods.

"But I'll only go if it's okay with you. I know this is kind of a father-daughter thing."

The fact that she is taking the time to ask, to ensure Alexis's well-being above her own, gives the teen a glimpse into why her father is so hopelessly in love with Kate Beckett. Alexis has spoken with her before of course, has spent some time with her. She recognizes the woman's drive and passion and fierceness, her strength and desire to always fight for what is right and just. But she has never really seen it in a situation like this. This is by far the most intimate conversation they have ever had, and though it was short and not overly comfortable, it was very informative.

"I don't mind," Alexis answers with only a slight delay. "And I know Dad will be really happy to have you there."

Kate smiles, a full-blown grin this time, because she is so incredibly happy to be going with him, too. And because he makes her happy and she will be spending two full weeks with him.

And because she loves him.

It is radiating from her features, she can feel it, and does nothing to suppress it. It feels so good to finally let it out, not have to hide it behind tight-lipped smiles and reserved eyes.

"I know he will."

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: Okay, so I wound up introducing a character I was planning to just mention in passing. What is it with this story and it's propensity for taking me in different directions? I guess it shouldn't surprise me anymore._

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Castle. Not that anyone actually thinks that I do..._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"So what brings you here today?"

Kate shrugs, curls one leg beneath her, her socked toes poking out from beneath her opposite thigh. Her posture is much more open than usual, everything about her is lighter and more relaxed than normal, from the loose-fitting top to the curled hair that tumbles over her shoulders, just the front strands secured back with bobby pins.

"Did something happen?"

She nods, a slight smile lifting the corners of her mouth. "You could say that."

He nods pensively. "You look...calm."

Kate's smile grows, spreading to her eyes. "I am."

"That's unusual," the therapist points out, leaning forward to rest his chin on his clasped hands. "Usually you're here for the opposite reason."

"I quit," Kate blurts out suddenly, saving Dr. Burke from any further attempts to ease her into her session, into disclosing her inner struggles. She does not need to dance around it anymore because there is no reason to hide; not from him, and certainly not from Castle. "I resigned."

"You..." his eyes widen in shock. "From the force?"

Kate nods, toys with a loose thread on the arm of the leather chair.

"When?"

"Three days ago."

"And what prompted this decision?"

Kate pauses, sorting her thoughts into words. "A lot of things," she admits. "We...Castle and I...we fought. We argued and yelled and he walked away, said he wasn't coming back."

Burke sits back in his chair, rests his left ankle on his right knee. Obviously there is much more to the story, because if Castle is still absent from her life, there is no way she would be this calm and collected.

"He'd been looking into my case, he cut a deal for my safety, and I was so mad. _So mad._ So I told myself I didn't care that he left, because how could he _do_ that?"

He nods understandingly, remains silent.

"I know why," Kate clarifies. continuing without being prompted. "I was too angry to even try to understand at the time, though. So I went back to work without him, back to working my case."

"And something happened."

She nods. "I almost..." she brushes aside her hair, tilts her head to reveal the yellowing remainder of fingerprints around her neck. "I fought with my sniper."

If the ugly handprints on her neck come as a shock, Burke does an excellent job of hiding it. "Your...the man who shot you?"

Kate nods again.

"You found him?"

She laughs harshly. "More like he found us. Knocked out one of my partners and wrestled me to the ground. I chased him onto the roof and we fought more. He...threw me over the edge and I almost fell."

Kate swipes at a tear, blinks hard to hold back the others. The last three days have been the happiest and most peaceful of recent memory but the emotions she has been suppressing are bound to surface at some point. It is the main reason she told Castle that she needed to meet with her therapist before they head out of the city.

"My...another one of my partners saved me just in time. But he...he came with backup. With our Captain, and we hadn't told her what we were doing. So she..." she pauses for a stabilizing breath, "she put two of us on suspension. But I just...she asked for my badge and I just didn't want it anymore. When I was hanging from that roof, the only thing I could think about was Castle. I didn't even care that my shooter got away. And I realized that the badge wasn't what I wanted anymore. It wasn't the life I wanted to live."

"So you resigned."

She nods, captures two more tears with her index finger.

"Do you regret it?"

Kate shrugs hesitantly. "I don't know. Not yet, but I feel like I'm going to at some point. I don't think it's completely sunk in yet, you know?"

"You're worried." It was not a question.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I..." What is she worried about exactly? "I don't know. I don't...I still stand by my decision. I just...it's all I've ever known. And it's gone and now...now what? Now who am I?"

The doctor nods thoughtfully, purses his lips in preparation to speak.

"That's for you to decide," he answers. "I know it probably seems like you're flailing now, but self-discovery of this caliber often feels as such."

"I do," she agrees. "I feel like...like I'm drifting. I used to have such a clear purpose and now...I don't know. I don't know what's next."

"You know," Dr. Burke offers, "I might suggest that this would be an ideal time to consider taking a bit of a vacation. Allow yourself some time to relax and recuperate and think things through."

Kate smiles again. "I'm planning one, actually."

"Oh?" He raises an eyebrow nearly imperceptibly but Kate can tell that he is onto her and merely waiting for her to confirm what he probably already suspects.

"With Castle."

He nods, ducking his head to hide a smile, because therapists are supposed to remain emotionally detached from their patients, but he has been rooting for them all along, because how could he not?

"I suspected there was more to this story."

Kate grins unashamedly. "There is, yes."

He nods, gestures for her to continue.

"I went to him that night, after I left the precinct. He was...really upset still. But I apologized and we..." Kate feels a blush stain her cheeks, cannot even find it within herself to be embarrassed because she is too happy and in love. "Let's just say that we're good now. Great, even."

"So you resigned, made up..." _he said 'up,' not 'out,' _she silently scolds herself as her mind flashes to Castle's lips and naked form and..._no, no, focus, Kate!_ "...with your partner, and are planning a vacation with him."

"Ye...yes." She forces her voice to be steady, wills the blood to drain from her cheeks back into the rest of her body.

"Sounds like you've had a busy few days."

She chuckles. "You could say that." _In more ways than one, _her brain supplies, and...no, geez, she should _not_ be thinking about her naked partner while at a therapy appointment.

"Are you worried about the vacation?"

Kate shakes her head without hesitation. "No."

"Are you concerned about recent...developments?"

"No. We've...we've talked a lot. And I think...it feels solid, you know? Not as weird or scary as I was expecting."

Burke nods again, eyes understanding as they search hers for any hints of doubt, find none.

"So your main worry is your resignation?"

"Yeah, I just...it still feels surreal and I didn't want to get out to the Hamptons with him and have a breakdown, you know. I wanted to deal with it before we left."

"You've come a long way, Kate."

"I...thank you," she manages, caught off guard by his blunt statement and the level of truth she knows it contains. She has been fighting against herself for the past year, fighting to be better and stronger. And to have finally attained a sense of inner peace she did not know was possible makes her feel so free and alive.

"Just one more question," he adds.

Kate cocks her head, meets his eyes.

"Have you told him yet?"

"That I remember? Or that I..."

He merely sits in silence, allowing her to work her way through his question unguided.

"He...I haven't told him directly," she says after a moment, "but he knows that I remember. And he knows why I didn't say anything about it."

Burke nods, continues to wait. They have never directly discussed her feelings for her partner, but he is interested now to see where her train of thought is taking her.

"And I...I will," she hedges, dancing around the words that want so badly to escape her lips. Maybe saying them here will help...a trial run of sorts, since she has never flat-out admitted it to anyone. "I _will_ tell him, now that I'm a little more...back on my feet."

He quirks an eyebrow, silently egging her on.

Kate takes a breath, decides it best to just say the words. "I love him."

She freezes momentarily as the words echo through the silence, filling the air. It sounds weird to hear them actually spill from her mouth after so many months of holding back, but she also feels a giant weight lift from her shoulders, freeing her. God, it feels so good to finally let it out.

And judging by the doctor's not-so-subtle grin, he too can feel the change, the drastic decrease of tension. Tension that Kate did not realize was there until just now, now that the constant need to hold back has been eradicated.

She smiles to herself, lifts her head to meet Burke's eyes. "I...thank you," she says softly, feels the strain continue to roll off of her in waves.

"I'm proud of you," is all he says in response, because, really, what more is there to say?

She has come so far in the last year, and he has watched her emerge from behind her self-imposed wall step by step, has witnessed her blossom into someone even stronger and fiercer than she was before. Into someone who has finally come to terms with her past and is allowing herself to move forward and be happy and fall in love.

"Thank you," she says again, eyes awash with gratitude and joy and a serenely confident quality he has not witnessed until today.

"Congratulations, Kate. Have a wonderful vacation. You deserve it."

She wants to hug him. And there's someone at the loft who she wants to hug even more.

* * *

"You ready to go?"

Kate looks up into the excited blue eyes of her partner, steps away from his bookshelf and into his waiting arms. His hair is still a bit tousled, but at least the lips gloss is wiped away and most of the wrinkles are gone from his shirt.

She cannot completely contain her guilty smile at the fact that they are now running about twenty minutes late. "Yeah."

"You find enough to read?"

She lifts her left hand, stacked with five books from his enormous collection. She could easily find a hundred more if she had the time, but right now the call of the beach is stronger.

"There are plenty more up there," he promises.

She kisses him on the cheek, smiles. "I'm sure."

He guides her from the office with a hand on the small of her back, leads her to the living room where Alexis is waiting by the front entrance, suitcase at her feet and a smaller bag slung over her shoulder.

"Ready, Kate?" she asks with a smile.

Already things have begun to smooth over between them. They have chatted a few times in the last three days, touching on various subjects, and the teen has already learned that regardless of her apprehensions about Kate and her father's relationship, the woman is a wealth of knowledge and information, especially about college-related things.

"I am," Kate replies with an answering smile, feels a little more weight lift off of her shoulders at Alexis's calm demeanor.

It has been just under twenty-four hours since her conversation with Burke, three days since her awkward conversation with Alexis, four since she barged into Castle's loft soaking wet and kissed him. With the exception of her therapy appointment and swinging by her apartment this morning to pack, she has not left the loft.

And she is completely okay with that.

Kate deposits the books into her oversize purse, slips her feet into her sandals, and lifts her bag onto her shoulder, grasps her other suitcase before Castle has a chance to offer to carry it for her. Chivalrous though it may be, she is perfectly capable of rolling a suitcase down the hallway.

Castle opens his mouth to protest but Kate silences him with a glare and he seems to think the better of it, hoists his own duffle bag off the floor and opens the front door.

Alexis steps out first, followed by Kate, and Castle takes full advantage of being last in line by unsubtly staring at the smooth length of Kate's legs as she walks down the hall in front of him. She is wearing shorts, which he does not think he has ever seen before today, but now that he has, he may hide all of her long pants. Though she looks damn good in skinny jeans too.

She dons a low-cut halter shirt, hair tied up in a messy bun, exposing her neck and upper back as well, and damn it, why does his daughter have to be in the car with them? Because handing her the keys so he is free to caress and nibble at her deliciously tempting bare skin is probably not appropriate when his daughter will be in the back seat.

Maybe he should have whisked the two of them away to Aruba instead.

But no, because this is a family tradition and Kate is family now, whether she realizes it or not. He thinks that after the last few days, she might be starting to catch on.

They pile into the elevator with all of their bags and Castle takes advantage of Alexis's turned back to snag Kate's free hand and pull her close, drops a quick peck on her lips. She smiles into the kiss and Castle nibbles at her bottom lip with his teeth. She bites back, pulling his top lip into her mouth, and they are just about to completely lose track of their surroundings when the elevator dings.

They instinctively jerk apart, probably for the better anyways because Alexis turns around then, apparently making sure her father is still behaving. His eyes are a little darker than normal but thankfully he bears no other evidence of their...activities (and not the just ones from the elevator...they may have gotten distracted earlier, too, when she came back from her apartment with her bags and Castle could not take his eyes off of her low-cut neckline and the things it _didn't _cover).

Alexis raises an eyebrow but says nothing, leads the way into the parking garage.

The drive up to the beach house is relaxing and comfortable; all three partake in conversation at first. After the first hour Alexis loses herself in a book, leaving Kate and Castle to their own soft words up front. Eventually they too fall silent, Kate gazing out the window, watching the countryside pass by, Castle alternately watching the road and glancing at her. She could call him on it but she knows he really just cannot help himself. So instead she twines their hands on the console, gives him a reassuring squeeze every once in a while.

Because she really here. She really is happy. And she really is in this for the long haul.

She is sure.

She knows Castle still harbors doubts, cannot blame him because though she has barely left his side for the better part of four days, she has not verbally given him the three words she knows he needs.

Tonight, though...

After her conversation with Burke yesterday, she knows that she is ready.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	5. Chapter 5

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: Ummm, wow! I don't think I've ever received so many story alerts so quickly. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much!_

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Castle. Not that anyone actually thinks that I do..._

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"I thought you and she were done," Martha says bluntly as Castle walks into the kitchen, where his mother is tossing together a tray of sandwich fixings for lunch. She is dressed casually in a flowing sundress, having readily adapted to the previous five days she has spent out here on the beach.

Castle, Kate, and Alexis arrived about an hour ago, and his daughter is still up in her room unpacking. Last he saw Kate, she was standing out on the balcony, sun glistening off of her bare arms, chatting happily on the phone with her father. Castle had sidled up beside her, dropped a kiss on her cheek, and suggested that she invite Jim up for a couple of days. She had swatted him away lovingly but smiled sweetly, and he thinks that was her way of saying 'you're annoying, but I'll ask him.'

Either way, she was smiling and laughing, eyes sparkling, completely relaxed, and he loves it so much.

Martha clears her throat softly and Castle returns his focus to her, to their conversation.

"We've worked things out."

His mother raises an eyebrow disbelievingly.

"We have," he protests, sounding far too petulant for his liking but unwilling to divulge any further details at the present time. They are still adjusting to this new thing and though he knows his mother means well, Castle is in no frame of mind to receive relationship advice from her right now.

"And by 'worked things out' you mean...?"

He shrugs again, makes himself useful by tearing open the package of cheese and arranging slices on a platter. "Talked things through," he offers, sufficiently nondescript. "Apologized."

"And just like that, she's here with you?"

"It took a bit of convincing."

"Such as?"

"Mother," he says sharply.

She tosses the empty bag from the lettuce into the sink to be dealt with later, meets him with a firm look in her eyes.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

Castle smiles gently, leans over to squeeze her arm, because she really is just looking out for him. "I'm not going to."

Martha is still not completely convinced but she can see from the way his smile lights up his entire face that whatever happened, he truly believes things will be okay. She has a feeling there is something he is leaving out, especially given that she almost positively saw Kate follow Castle into the master bedroom with her bags upon their arrival.

But she is not going to pop the happy bubble that seems to have settled over her son, because it has been a long time since he has smiled this much while talking about Kate.

And when the woman in question appears a few minutes later looking completely at ease, makes herself a sandwich, sinks onto a bar stool right next to Castle, and the two smile adoringly at each other, Martha begins to understand exactly what her son meant when he said that they 'worked things out.'

* * *

"You okay?"

Kate looks up and finds Castle's blue eyes gazing down on her lovingly, happiness with a hit of concern lacing their depths. The light afternoon breeze ruffles his hair, wraps around their bodies, infusing them with the beautiful scents of summer and sunshine and salt water. Her skin is already turning a lovely olive-color, concealing most of what remains of her bruises, and between her talk with Dr. Burke yesterday and the calming sounds of the ocean, she looks more relaxed than he has probably ever seen her. Relaxed but...focused.

"Yeah, why?"

He shrugs, lays his hand over hers on the balcony railing. "You just look serious."

She smiles and leans into his warmth. "No, just...this place is amazing. It's so peaceful and...I love it."

"I'm glad," he says lazily, still full from lunch and hazy with the warmth of the sun and her body against his and the way she is smiling up at him. It is very real, yet still surreal in some ways, that she is here with him.

"Thanks for bringing me here," she murmurs, lips caressing the lines of his jaw as she speaks.

He cradles her tightly, bordering on possessive, nuzzles into her hair. "Thanks for coming with us."

Kate feels the emotions of his words seep into her veins, wrap around her and tug on her heart. She has no idea how it is possible to put so much into so few words, but now she understands why he is such a good writer.

She turns then so that her chest is pressed against his, laces her arms around his neck. Castle's body is pliable, melts into hers as his arms surround her, warm and strong and so tender that something twists in her chest, something that feels very much like love and forever because this is just so perfect.

His lips descend on hers before she can put her thoughts in order, tongue tracing the outline of her mouth, begging for entrance. She grants him access, tugging him down even closer as their tongues tangle languidly, teasing and caressing.

Kate has no clue how long they stand there wrapped in each other but she does know that she could stay in his arms all day and be a happy woman. She is sure about this. The rest of her life may be in shambles, may lie in an unknown jumble somewhere up ahead of her, but this is right.

She lifts up on tiptoe, nuzzles her nose into him, warm breath fanning out over the sensitive skin of his neck as she breathes him in. She feels his arms tighten around her in response and presses a kiss beneath his ear.

"I love you," she whispers softly.

Castle's response is instantaneous. The hands tracing patterns on her back freeze, his whole body stiffens, he forgets to breathe, because Katherine Beckett loves him and she is here in the Hamptons with him and this is a day he has only ever imagined in his wildest dreams.

"I love you," she says again, punctuates her words with a light brush of her lips against his neck.

Castle squeezes her harder, buries his face in her hair, and she can feel him expel a shaky breath against her scalp. His entire body is thrumming with energy and awe and adrenaline, his heart is pounding beneath his chest, and he never wants this moment to end. Never.

"Kate," he releases her name on a puff of air, slowly lifts his head to meet her eyes. She is smiling, eyes bright and radiant in the afternoon sunlight, and he can see it swimming in their depths; the love and passion and adoration. All for him.

"I love you so much," he manages finally, as her confession has taken away any other words he may have been planning to speak. Even these words, spoken from the very depths of his soul, must be forced out through the tight knot in his chest.

Her grin widens, crinkling the corners of her eyes, and Castle lifts his hands to cup her jaw, guides her in for a sweet kiss.

"So much," he pants as they pull apart, eyes locked.

She is not sure who moves first or how they make it to the bed or where her clothing ends up or what she slams her elbow on in the process. All Kate knows when she drifts awake two hours later wrapped up in his arms, tangled in his sheets, gazing out at the crashing waves of the Atlantic, is that she has never been happier.

She has never been so in love.

* * *

"We could make hamburgers," Castle suggests, rummaging through the fridge for lettuce and tomato and ketchup and mustard. He lifts his head, casts excited eyes in Kate's direction, and his childish exuberance softens her features, makes her smile. Somehow, nine year old on a sugar rush has gone from annoying to endearing.

Well, most of the time. There are still moments where she wants to smack him, tell him to grow up. But he brings out the younger, carefree parts of her, too, and it is so nice to feel that way again because it has been so long since she stepped back and let herself live and laugh and smile and _love_.

"Sure," she shrugs, still sated and at ease and not in the mood to be picky.

"What's wrong with hamburgers?"

She shrugs again, raises an eyebrow teasingly because hamburgers actually sound really good but sometimes it is too much fun to see how quickly she can rile him up over almost nothing.

"Come on, Beckett. It's the perfect beginning-of-summer dinner," he whines, eyes big and pleading and far too adorable for his own good.

She rolls her eyes, smacks him in the butt with the bag of hamburger buns she found sitting on the counter. "Fine."

Castle is on her before she has a chance to react, pressing her back into the kitchen counter, lips hungrily seeking her jaw, her neck. His wide puppy dog eyes quickly turn dark and lusty, bore into hers as their lips crash together. The hamburger buns end up on the floor, along with the bag of lettuce that was in his hands, as their worlds narrow to each other and their lips and tongues and hands and oh, God, the way he is pressing her into the counter is just so _hot._

Kate slides her hands into his back pockets, tugs his hips into hers, and his hands are inching up her shirt, so close to the clasp of her bra, when they are interrupted by a surprised 'Oh!'

They jerk apart, Kate's head whipping around to find the source of the noise, and there just inside the kitchen is a very shocked, slightly red-faced Martha Rodgers.

"Oh, ummm...hi?" Kate offers, because they are adults and it is not like they were actually going at it, but his hands were up her shirt and hers were squeezing his ass and they just got _busted_ by his _mother_.

"I suspected there was more to the story," Martha says lightly but pointedly, eyes fixed on her son, and Castle offers a lopsided smile, allows his hands to drop to Kate's hips, rest there innocently.

She turns back, buries her head in Castle's neck as heat flares up, reddens her cheeks. He drops a soft kiss in her hair, flicks his eyes to his mother, indicating quite clearly that now is really _not _the time for whatever amusing remarks linger on the tip of her tongue.

Martha simply smiles, holds up her hands in surrender. "I just wanted to know if you'd like help with dinner, but you look like you've got everything under control." Her eyes drop deliberately to the floor and the bags of food that lie near their feet, then back up.

Kate groans against him, lifts her head again and tentatively meets the older woman's eyes, feeling like she is fifteen again and has just been caught making out with a boy on the couch.

"Thanks, Martha," she says hesitantly, offers a slight smile to help dispel the tension, because Kate knows she meant well by offering assistance.

Martha grins at the sight of the two of them, disheveled and smiling guiltily, but at least having the decency to be a little bit embarrassed.

She steps around them, snags a bag of potato chips from the top of the refrigerator, because at this rate, dinner might not be finished until nine o'clock. Two sets of eyes watch her as she moves around the room, trying not to smile too much, because it is pretty amusing to see two capable and well-spoken adults so awkwardly tongue-tied.

Martha removes a bottle of wine from the refrigerator, retrieves a glass from the cupboard, and tosses a smirk in their directions as she leaves the room.

She stops at the last minute though, turns and gestures in their general direction. "At least wash the counter before you start preparing dinner."

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: Because who doesn't love a little more Martha, and some much needed girl talk?_

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Castle. Not that anyone actually thinks that I do..._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Worked things out, huh?"

Castle turns, watches his mother cross the porch to stand beside him, slippered feet swishing across the wooden planks. She dons just a nightgown and robe, obviously just having woken as well.

Kate rose early this morning, laced up her shoes and went for a run on the beach, and as much as he wanted to stay in bed with her, he could tell that she was restless and aching to get away for a while. So Castle watched her go through the window, made his way onto the main porch and spent a good five minutes staring after her, eyes fixated on the point at which he had last seen her long, lithe form making its way across the endless stretches of sand.

It is a beautiful morning, the sun glinting off of the water, sparkling as the waves lap the shoreline. It warms his face and arms, too, as he stands by the railing looking out over the beautiful blue expanse of the Atlantic, enjoying the fresh morning air and waiting for Kate. She will probably roll her eyes and call him ridiculous when she gets back and sees him there, but he cannot help himself. He just...will never get enough of having her with him, by his side, in his arms.

He smiles shyly at his mother as she steps up next to him, refocuses on the words she just spoke. "Yeah."

Martha nods, smiles herself. "I assume this happened before yesterday's...kitchen incident?"

Castle grimaces slightly because he may no longer be a teenager, but he is still embarrassed at having been caught by his mother.

"It did, yes." A soft smile splits his face and he cannot help himself, because Kate is here with him and she _loves_ him. He is still reeling from hearing those words from her yesterday, still hears them almost constantly echoing through his mind.

Oh, how he wants to hear them again. And again, and again.

"And she's..." Martha hesitates, does not want to upset her son but feels the need to ask, to make sure. "She's serious about this?"

He nods, eyes light and sparkling, and maybe it is a reflection of the sun on the water, but maybe it is also just pure happiness. "She is."

The older woman nods thoughtfully, squeezes his arm. "Good."

Castle nods again, squints against the morning sun as a small figure appears in the distance. Kate, on her way back to him.

He loves that she always comes back to him now.

Martha allows her arm to drop to her side, steps back as she follows his gaze, sees Kate off in the distance. He is focused completely on her now, and there is no use trying to continue this conversation at present.

"I'm happy for you. Both of you," she says instead.

Castle leans down, presses a kiss to her cheek, briefly flicking his eyes away from Kate as he speaks. "Thank you, mother."

Martha crosses back to the sliding glass door, throws one last look over her shoulder as she steps inside, slides it closed behind her. Castle is leaning out over the railing, eyes fixed solely on Kate. She can tell from the way his muscles are relaxed, his entire being completely at ease, just how in love he is. And as Kate approaches the porch, smiles and waves at him despite her heavy breathing and the sweat running down her skin, Martha understands exactly how mutual the feelings are.

* * *

"You...you took a shower without asking for my assistance?" Castle asks, attempting to look highly affronted, but the smile that he cannot quite contain gives him away.

"You were talking to Alexis," Kate points out, running a brush through her wet hair, parting it down the center today.

Castle leans against the bathroom counter next to her, meets her eyes in the mirror with a smile. "I know."

Kate wraps a towel around her head, squeezes the excess water out of her hair. She lets the towel fall then, allowing the strands to tumble down around her shoulders. Castle follows its descent, reaches out to run his fingers gently through the ends as the smell of cherries and vanilla floats up to him.

She melts into him almost immediately, leans into his touch, and he responds by stepping up behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist, the other still buried in her hair.

Their eyes meet in the mirror, hold for a moment before Castle's drop to openly peruse the rest of her body. She has a towel wrapped around her from the chest down to the tops of her thighs, but the delicious lines of her collarbones and her long, toned legs are completely exposed and his eyes linger there unabashedly.

His hand drops slowly from her hair to her shoulder, fingers gently tracing the fading marks around her throat. Most of her bruises are gone now, vanishing along with the other wounds and scars of that day, of every day that led up to that final fight for her mother's case. A few remain, though. Peeling scabs on her back from the way the concrete cut up her skin. Yellowed fingerprints on her neck. The bruise on her hip and her lower back are still slightly visible, and the internal bruises from Maddox's knee to her gut are still tender.

But the physical markers appear less ghastly now, and along with the sun-kissed glow of her skin and the radiance reflected in her eyes, Kate looks so much better than just six days earlier.

She lifts a hand, covers his on her neck, meets his gaze understandingly. They will both be haunted by that day for weeks, maybe months, to come. But the terror will fade with time, just like everything else. Maybe here, beneath the harsh lights of the bathroom, is not the best place to have this conversation, though. So instead she tilts her chin, turns to press her lips to his softly, reassuringly.

She is okay. They both are.

The future may still be unknown, but right here, right now, Kate could not be happier.

Here.

With him.

* * *

They are torn from their reverie by the ringing of Kate's phone in the bedroom and she reluctantly slips from his embrace, crosses the room to retrieve the device. The caller ID flashes 'Lanie,' and instantly, she is dreading this conversation, because Lanie is never one to sugar-coat things and there is a lot that Kate has not told her in the last week. That and she missed a call from her the other day while she and Castle were…otherwise occupied…and never got around to calling her back.

But she misses her best friend and really, she has been pretty horrible about staying in contact with everyone from work. So much has happened recently, and she should probably call Ryan and Espo at some point, too, because God only knows where things stand between them right now.

She takes a deep breath to brace herself, sinks down onto the bed and presses 'talk.'

"Hey, Lanie."

"Katherine Beckett, what the hell?"

"Uh..."

"I called you _three days_ _ago_."

"I know, I'm so..."

"You _resigned_?"

"Uh, yeah," Kate stammered, taken aback by the sudden change of topic. Apparently there was going to be even less sugar-coating than normal this morning.

"A _week ago_?"

Has it really been that long? "Yes."

"And I'm just _now_ finding out about this from Javi?"

"Javi, huh?" Kate teases, but Lanie is having none of it.

"Nuh uh, you don't get to ask questions right now. What the hell happened?"

She sighs. "What did he tell you?"

"That he's suspended and that he and Ryan are through. And that you turned in your badge and gun and cleaned off your desk. Hell, _he_ wouldn't even talk to me until last night. And all Ryan would say at the crime scene the other day was that you two weren't on the case."

Kate runs a hand through her damp hair, curls in on herself more tightly, staving off the cool air or shame, she is not sure which. She feels horrible, for leaving Lanie in the dark and for causing a giant rift between her team members. And probably between the two of them and herself, too. She has no idea if Espo blames her for his suspension, or if Ryan will even speak to her after what she essentially forced him to do. Kate does not blame him for his decision, because he saved her life, gave her the opportunity to see the light and make things right with Castle.

But she has not told him that and as far as Ryan probably knows, she stands in the same position as Esposito.

She will call him tonight. Both of them.

"I'm sorry, Lanie."

"Look, it's been a rough week from the sounds of it. Just...tell me what happened."

Kate leans back against the headboard, sighs. Again. "Javi and I got suspended. We weren't...I told everyone to keep Gates in the dark about that case. But we found a lead and Espo went with me. Ryan stayed behind though, told us we needed to have backup, but I mean...this case...who can we trust, you know? So we went alone, found the sniper..."

"_Your _sniper?" Lanie cuts in, incredulous.

"Yeah. But he got the drop on us. Knocked Espo out, knocked me to the ground. I chased him up onto the roof and...let's just say it wasn't pretty. We fought. Badly."

"Did you get him?"

"No." Kate hears Lanie release a troubled breath, feels a stab of something shoot through her chest but as quickly as it appears, it has vanished. Regret, maybe? Or failure. "He...almost got me, though. Ryan showed up just in time, but Gates was with him."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So she suspended you guys." It is not a question.

"Yeah."

"And you just...quit?"

Kate nods though Lanie cannot see it. "Basically. I just...I didn't want to live like that anymore. I...there were more important things, you know? I wish it hadn't taken almost dying _again_ for me to realize it, but..."

"More important things?"

Kate rolls her eyes, laughs. "That's what you took from that?"

Lanie laughs too and instantly their usual easy rapport is restored. "Well now that you say it like that, I'm intrigued."

"I...yes, more important." Kate looks up as a shadow falls over the room, smiles and reaches for the coffee Castle is offering her. When did he leave the room? She did not even notice.

He has his own mug in his other hand, a soft expression on his face, in his eyes. She mouths a thank you, raises the cup to her mouth, revels in the warm liquid sliding down her throat, the sweet, rich taste.

He made it just the way she likes it.

"Such as?" Lanie demands, forcing Kate to focus on something other than delicious coffee and the blue eyes that are gazing at her so lovingly. She would not normally want to have this conversation in front of him, but she cannot send him away, not when he is looking at her like she is the most precious and beautiful person in the world.

God, she loves him.

"Umm..." she wavers, searching for the words that will completely throw Lanie off of her game, but comes up mostly empty. "Like certain people."

She hears a small gasp on the other end of the line, waits for Lanie's next words. "Meaning?"

"Umm...Castle?"

He looks at her with wide eyes and she winks at him, takes another sip of coffee to suppress the overwhelming urge to pull him to her and meld their lips together.

"Girl, you're gonna have to give me more or I'll come hunt you down and get you so drunk that you spill out every little detail."

Kate laughs loudly at that, not only because she knows that Lanie would, but because she also knows that Lanie would have no idea where to find her. She sets her coffee aside, smiles smugly to herself.

"Good luck with that."

She can picture the stubborn, determined look on Lanie's face. "Okay, fine. I demand a girl's night. Tonight."

"Sorry, but I can't," Kate replies right away.

"Too busy with your writer boy to take a break and have a drink with your girl?"

She snorts. "No. I'm just...not in the city right now."

"Where are you, then?"

Castle sits down beside her, sets his coffee on the nightstand next to hers, and rests a hand not-so-innocently on her thigh, fingers toying with the edge of the towel.

"I, ummm, needed to get away for a while." Her voice cracks on 'away' and she barely bites back a gasp as Castle's hand slides beneath the towel, higher and higher up her thigh until she is unconsciously arching into him, having to try way too hard to focus on her conversation with her friend.

"You're with him right now, aren't you?"

"No?" Kate lies, though it comes out more like a question.

"You so are, aren't you? Out of the city…you're on vacation with Richard Castle!" Lanie exclaims, putting two and two together as Kate knew she would. "Damn, girl, this better mean what I think it means."

"It probably..." Castle's fingers skate across her skin, tantalizing, teasing her, and she cannot completely suppress her moan. "...is," she pants, her free hand closing around Castle's wrist and holding him in place, halting his wandering digits for the moment, because if she does not finish this phone call _right now,_ Lanie is going to be privy to something that Kate really does _not_ want her to overhear.

"Well, you sound...busy," Lanie offers, smirking though no one can see it, but Kate can picture the knowing glint in her eyes. "So I'll let you go, but I better be hearing from you the moment you get back to Manhattan."

"You will," Kate manages, cradling the phone with her shoulder, freeing her other hand to swat at Castle as he leans in to suck at her neck and collarbone.

"Have fun," Lanie teases knowingly, hangs up before Kate manages to eke out a response.

She tosses the phone aside, sits up onto her knees and rounds on her partner. "Richard Castle, I hate you right now."

But then she is straddling him and her towel is thrown off the foot of the bed and his shirt is gone and her lips are on his and if this is what happens when he riles her up, he is going to absolutely drive her crazy for the rest of their lives.

Because this...this could never happen too much.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	7. Chapter 7

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait between updates. With two fics going and the craziness of summer, I just haven't had enough time to write. So thank you for sticking with me and know that, busy or not, I'll try to update at least once a week._

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Castle. Not that anyone actually thinks that I do..._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"You okay?"

Kate shrugs, remains focused on the vastness of the ocean, the crashing of the waves beyond her. One laps up to the shore, the edges curling around her toes as it washes over her feet and back into the sea.

She is wearing a light yellow sundress that she dug out of her suitcase after their little...interlude...this morning, feet bare, hair secured back in a loose braid. A few tendrils have escaped over the course of the day and they are rippling lightly in the breeze, catching the final rays of light that streak the sky.

"What did they say?"

She shrugs again, and Castle briefly debates leaving her here alone, heading back to the house and waiting for her to seek him out. But it is against his nature to step back and wait it out, and though he could do it if he really puts his mind to it, there is a nagging feeling in his mind that she really does not want him to go. That she wanted him to come to her, a steady presence while she works through whatever was said over the phone.

So instead, he steps up behind her, enfolds her in his embrace. His chin comes to rest on her shoulder, strands of her hair tickling his cheeks as it blows in the wind. Kate tenses at first and he loosens his hold, but she relaxes again quickly, the tense lines of her face and neck slackening as she leans back against him, twines her fingers with his on her stomach.

He rolled up the pant legs of his jeans on the way out to her and is now thankful for that decision as the next series of waves rolls over their feet, splashing up around his ankles.

"Ryan was okay," she says finally, her voice far away, lost in the sounds of the Atlantic and the late evening breeze. "I told him that I wasn't mad, that if he hadn't gone to Gates, I wouldn't be here. And he...he knows that, but I think he's still upset about the whole thing, about how it all turned out. And Espo still won't talk to him."

She doesn't mention that on top of ranting about Esposito, Ryan spent twenty minutes complaining about Gates and how much he hates his job now that his entire team is gone. She already feels bad enough about the disaster she left behind in the wake of her rash decisions and abrupt departure, and right now, she really does not need to spend more time dwelling on it.

And honestly, Ryan was angry enough that, despite his reassurances, she is still not convinced that he does not harbor any residual ill will towards her.

She also leaves out the part about how uncomfortable the conversation was at first, the stilted awkwardness as she explained that she was not just suspended, but done for good, because she had not realized at first that Ryan did not know that.

She avoids talking about the way she choked out an explanation, forcing the words past the small voice in her head that still insisted that she was letting her mom down by walking away. She knows better. She does. But she also has a feeling that it is going to be quite some time before that voice is silenced for good.

Ryan understood her choices, and, like Lanie, put two and two together and deduced that she was with Castle now. He said he was proud of her for having the strength to move on, to stop fighting Castle, and though he did a good job of suppressing it, she heard his voice crack a couple of times, too, at the prospect of no longer working side by side every day. She cannot imagine it either, not seeing them every day when they have essentially become part of her family.

There were tears in her eyes when she finally hung up the phone.

Castle squeezes her gently, brings her back to their conversation. "Poor guy."

She nods, falls into silence again.

"Would he talk to you?" Castle asks finally. "Esposito?"

"Yeah. He wasn't angry at me, because he knows it was his decision to go with me to that hotel. But he's still upset with Ryan. _Really _upset, even though I told him what happened on the roof." Kate sighs, loosens a hand from his to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes, lets her hand fall back into his. "He wants me to come back."

Another uncomfortable conversation, especially when he spoke those words and she had no real response. She could tell that he knew that her eventual promise was empty, that he was hurt by her decision. But he suppressed it, because focusing on it would only have escalated the tension that lingered from those final moments at the Twelfth.

"To the city?"

A shake of her head. "To the force."

Oh. While it is strange knowing that she is no longer a Detective, he has never considered that she might actually go back, because she has seemed so sure of her decision, so determined to move away from that part of her life.

"Does he know you resigned?"

They both stiffen almost imperceptibly at his words, but he is so precisely tuned in to her that he feels it, and he is sure she senses his reaction as well.

"Yeah, he was there."

"Does he think they'd let you back?"

"I don't know. Maybe, but I'd be on probation for a long time, I'm sure. But I just...I think he maybe wants me as a partner now that he and Ryan aren't on good terms."

Castle feels a pang of sympathy for both men and though he is trying to remain neutral, he cannot help but side with Ryan, mainly because he saved the life of the women who is currently wrapped in his arms. And in a way, by saving Kate, Ryan saved him as well.

"Do you think they'll figure things out?"

She shrugs again, feels him shift against her with the motion of her shoulder. "Not sure. If Espo would let Ryan actually get a word in, it'd help. I mean, I told him, you know, but I think he just doesn't want to hear it."

Castle nods slowly, closes his eyes against the onslaught of images of Kate dangling from a roof by the tips of her fingers, battered and bruised at the hand of a merciless killer.

"Would you?" he asks after a moment, after the worst of the images are gone and the cold dread that always accompanies them has passed.

"Go back?"

He nods.

"No. I...I quit, Castle. I said I was done, and I meant it. I mean, I told him I'd think about it when I got back to the city, but..." she shakes her head, eyes still far away as she speaks. "I don't think I can do it."

His arms loosen then, slide down to her hips and gently turn her so they stand face to face. In the sand and their bare feet, he has a few inches on her, and she tilts her chin up slightly to meet his eyes, dark blue in the twilight.

"You don't have to, Kate," he assures her, hands still resting on her hips, squeezing gently, comfortingly. "You know you don't have to."

"I know," she agrees, lifts a hand to cup his jaw, her own form of reassurance. "I just..." she trails off, shakes her head. "God, I've made such a mess of things."

"You haven't," he says immediately. "Things aren't good right now, but they'll get better. I promise. They just need more time."

"But if I hadn't walked away..."

"Kate." He silences her with a firm voice, determined eyes boring into hers. "Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and this was one of those times. And maybe it stirred things up a little bit, but you said yourself that you needed to walk away. And that's okay."

"But do you think...what if there was another way? Somehow I could have not just run away from it all and torn my team apart?"

"They made their own choices in this too," Castle points out. "You can't take all the blame, especially now that you're not even there."

"But that's what I'm saying," she protests, and he can tell that this is eating at her, probably has been all day. "If I was still there, maybe I could help somehow."

"Kate, love," he says, his voice mingling with the ambiance of the evening and the steady pulse of the waves, wrapping around her. "It takes strength to know when you need to turn your back on something rather than continuing to fight for it. That's not running away; it's moving on. And they are two very different things."

She sighs heavily, knows his words are right, but it still eats at her. She knew it was going to catch up with her, and though she has felt snippets of it here and there over the last week, this is the first time that it has really come crashing down on her, weighed her down with the implications of her choices.

"I know," she says softly, repeats it then in a clearer voice. "I know. And I don't want to go back. I don't regret that. I just wish...I wish I'd listened to Ryan. And to you. I wish I hadn't been reckless and forced Ryan to make that choice."

"But if you hadn't..." he trails off, leaves the rest unspoken because he knows that she knows, understands the million ways that things could be different right now.

She could still be a cop, still be on the case. Or she could be dead because she did not step away. They could have never found the sniper. Or they could have gone in with other cops and one of them could have ended up dead. They could have called for backup only to discover that one of them is in on this because at this point, who can they trust aside from each other?

Esposito and Ryan could still be on speaking terms, still be partners and best friends. And she and Castle...

Because when it comes down to it, if she could do it all over again, Kate would not trade a thing for the last few days she has spent with him. The case and her shooting may have defined the last thirteen years of her life but he is too important to allow those things to define their time together, to interfere with their love.

"So what are you going to do?"

She shakes her head slightly, uncertainly. "I don't know. I think Lanie was going to talk to Espo, try to talk him down some. And I told them both that I'd let them know when we got back to town. I'll...I don't know, meet up with them for coffee or a drink or something. Not...together," she adds as an afterthought. "But I just...it's not the same over the phone, you know. I want them both to know where I stand."

Castle nods understandingly, leans down to press his lips to hers briefly. "Do you want me there with you?"

Kate pauses, contemplates. "I don't know," she replies honestly after a minute, eyes searching his for understanding and support.

Castle does not hesitate, simply nods and kisses her again. "Whatever you need," he promises, and suddenly there are not enough words for her to convey what she is feeling because he has spent the majority of the last four years trying to do whatever she needed, regardless of the repercussions on his end. And especially now that they are together, she can only hope to be so selfless, so willing to go above and beyond for him.

So rather than words, she kisses him hard, lips working passionately over his as her arms wrap around him, holding him as closely as possible. She can feel that he is momentarily caught off guard by her outburst of passion, but she also knows that even as a writer, Castle holds a great understanding and appreciation for the nonverbal language as well.

And when they separate a few minutes later, a sparkle in his eyes and his breaths coming in rapid succession, she can tell from the stunned and amazed look on his face that he knows exactly what she is trying to say.

* * *

_I love you more than anything._

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	8. Chapter 8

_Summary: __She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for_ Always_. Follows _Wake To The Light.

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of creative ways to say I don't own Castle. Not that anyone actually thinks that I do..._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

The days pass in a whirl of sunshine and family time, great food and even better company. Kate gradually finds herself settling into a routine, some sense of normalcy, which she is craving after the complete upturn of her life and everything she has ever known. The unknown, she is not yet ready to face. This, however, she can handle.

She rises early most mornings, slips reluctantly out of Castle's warm arms and into her workout clothes. She runs along the beach for two or three miles, the long stretches of sand and solitude allowing her the time to think, sort through everything, talk herself down when she starts freaking out.

When she returns, he is either waiting for her on the private balcony that extends from the master suite, or in the kitchen, preparing a delicious breakfast. It is by no means the first time he has cooked for her, but she is now discovering the full extents of his talents in the kitchen.

If he is on the balcony, they usually shower together, gentle and loving and innocent, or hot and passionate, depending on the day. If he is in the kitchen, she showers alone, finds him afterwards and helps put the finishing touches on his morning masterpieces.

The days are filled with a variety of activities. Sometimes all four of them go out to the beach or the pool or find a nearby place to explore. On others, Martha goes off on her own, or with Alexis, leaving Castle and Kate alone. A couple of those days, they barely leave the bed.

It is nearing June, though, and Castle does have a book to finish, and when he locks himself in his office with his laptop and far too much coffee, Kate knows she is going to be left to her own devices for a minimum of four hours. So she reads or relaxes or braves the chilly ocean currents.

She calls her dad one afternoon, promises to come visit when she heads back to the city. They invited him up for this last weekend, for Castle's Memorial Day Bash, as he likes to call it, but Jim had prior arrangements and politely declined.

(Kate does not mention to Castle the part where Jim said that it was probably better that he not accidentally walk in on certain activities which were likely to occur against walls and on couches and countertops. He also said she would thank him later for giving the two of them time alone.)

And while she would have loved to see her dad, show him this place, and let him spend some time with Castle outside of a hospital, she is finding that she is indeed thankful for the privacy afforded by the large house and the small number of people.

Besides, she and Castle are now scheduled to meet Jim for dinner the day after they return to the city, which is probably a better way to start anyways. They can ease him into Castle's lifestyle, into the fact that she is dating him and loving him and everything-ing with him, and invite Jim out to the Hamptons at a later date.

But now the holiday is over and it is Tuesday evening and they were supposed to be back in the city tonight but no one could find it in them to leave just yet. However, Castle has publishing meetings on Thursday morning so tonight is absolutely the last night they can stay

Which means that tomorrow...tomorrow they go back to the city. Tomorrow, Kate goes back to...well, she has no idea. To her apartment to unpack and do laundry, at the very least. She should probably go see her dad even if they are going to dinner on Thursday night. But after that...

She knows it is highly unlikely that she will be spending the night in her own bed, and she will not have to wake early for any reason. She has no job, no real reason to hang out at her place (though she may need to clear out the fridge and empty the garbage cans). But really, all that is there are books and a computer and a murder board hidden behind the shutters, which she does not even want to think about.

But the loft has Castle and his mother and daughter, who are family now, which is still strange to consider. But they have spent two weeks eating meals and playing games together and relaxing on the beach, laughing and talking and embracing this new sense of cohesion that is forming amongst them.

Kate smiles to herself, knows that she is making the right decision by wanting to stay at the loft when they head back to Manhattan. She will have to run it by Alexis, of course, but she already knows that Castle has no qualms, no doubts. If he has made one thing clear over the last two weeks, it is that he wants her with him all the time, everywhere, forever.

And really, that is exactly what she wants, too.

* * *

"Hey."

She lifts her head, greenish eyes meeting the familiar blue of her partner's. He looks confused, probably has every right to be, because she has been standing on the balcony staring at the crashing waves for almost an hour. The sun has long since dipped below the horizon, the only light coming from the gibbous moon reflecting off the water, points of light undulating with the motion of the waves.

"Hey."

He smiles timidly, steps up next to her, mirrors her position with elbows on the railing, bare feet crossed. "You doing okay?"

She nods, speaks unconvincingly. "Yeah."

Kate knows now why she does not often take vacations, because they inevitably end too soon. Especially given present circumstances, she feels like so much has been left undone, open-ended, unsolved. And while getting away from the city was perfect and exactly what she needed, now that their return is approaching, she is not ready. Not in the slightest.

Castle sees the worry in her eyes, hears the hesitance, the insecurity in her voice. She has been improving with each passing day, has been spending less time caught up in recent events, worrying about what lies ahead, and more just enjoying the beach and the fresh air. But there is still something weighing on her, because he has spent four years studying her, the last three weeks digging even deeper, and he can detect the minute changes in her expressions, her smiles, her eyes, her words.

"What's wrong?"

Kate shrugs. "I'm...I don't know. Lost?"

"How?"

She leans into his side, feels an arm come to rest around her shoulders.

"I don't have a job. I'm not a detective anymore. I just...who am I? What do I do?"

She voiced these concerns to Burke two weeks ago, and his calming demeanor had assuaged them at the time. She has talked them over with Castle too, but now that they are headed back to the city and she has no job to go back to, everything is resurfacing.

He squeezes her tighter, buries his nose in her hair. "I know who you are. You're the same person you've always been. Tall, brainy, gorgeous." She smiles slightly and he does too, because he has always loved that he can make her smile in that adorably shy way. "You're incredibly strong and passionate and loyal. You're a great friend and the best partner and girlfriend I could ever ask for. Just because you're not a Detective doesn't change everything else about you."

She cannot help but smile at his words but sobers just as quickly. "But what do I do? It's all I've ever known."

"We'll figure it out, Kate. You're amazing. You can do anything you want. I firmly believe that. And I'll be there for you no matter what you decide."

She sighs, tension flowing off of her in waves as the air leaves her body. "How do you always know what to say?"

He shrugs. "I make my living with words. And I know you better than you give me credit for."

"I know, I just..."

"It's okay," he assuages. "We don't have to figure it out today or tomorrow or even this week. Let yourself adjust to being back in the city. Give yourself time to explore and try new things."

"Okay," she replies shakily, still hesitant.

"I love you, Kate," he murmurs softly, voice comforting, assuring. "No matter what you want to do, I love you, and nothing is going to change that."

She hums softly in response, drops her head to rest on his shoulder. They stand in silence for five minutes, perhaps more, surrounded only by the night and the sounds of the swaying breeze, before Castle speaks.

"I wish you could have been at Alexis's graduation."

She lifts her head curiously. "Why?"

"Her speech. It was...it was amazing, Kate. I was sitting there in shock that she was my daughter and she was saying all these wonderful things."

"Like what?"

She watches as her words are slow to register, as he fights to pull himself out of a memory that clearly holds a dear place in his heart. "That everything changes. That everything ends and we move on, but that there are some things that will always be constant. Your 'true north,' I believe, is what she called them. Those people in your life that will always be there no matter what. And I just...I mean, you and I were..." he trails off, gestures wildly in front of him. His way of saying 'over,' she supposes, and frankly she would rather not actually speak the word either because those few hours were some of the most agonizing in recent memory.

"But she said that and it hit home for me, you know, because everything I'd known was changing and I was scared and flailing a bit."

"She's a smart girl," Kate offers, and he can see in her eyes that his daughter's words are sinking in, that Kate is taking them to heart and applying them.

"You're one of those people," he says after a moment, eyes boring into hers with a sense of clarity and natural ease. "I know you are. No matter what happens in the future, you're the one who makes everything make sense for me."

She smiles then, eyes suspiciously watery, and when she speaks again, he finds that his own eyes have filled with tears, too.

"So are you," she says softly, gently. "You're so much more to me than you'll ever know. And I know I haven't said it much, but thank you."

He opens his mouth to ask why she is thanking him, because it should be him who is thanking her for putting up with him, loving him, and making him a better man. But he is silenced by her voice, soft but sure.

"For waiting for me. For believing that this was worth waiting for even when it seemed like it was never going to happen."

She pauses, reaches up to cup his jaw, tilts his chin towards hers for a kiss.

"For bringing me here and helping me through this. For believing in me."

Another kiss, a teardrop on her nose, and she is not sure if it hails from her eyes or his.

"For loving me."

He closes the distance this time, lips meeting hers so tenderly that it brings a fresh wave of tears to her eyes because she can feel how much he loves her and sometimes it still overwhelms her.

And with every new day, it is only becoming more intense, more amazing and wonderful, and she already knows that this is forever even though it has not yet been a month. She has never loved someone the way she loves him, and she knows that nothing and no one will ever change that.

"I'll always love you, Kate."

She buries her nose in his neck, inhales the familiar scent that she will always associate with love and forever and just...everything.

And when she speaks, her voice is quiet, barely more than an exhale against his skin.

"Always."

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_Author's Note: _

_1. Umm, so apparently this is the end. It kind of snuck up on me, but it just feels right, cliche though it may be._

_2. I was never intending this to be a fic about the sniper and the case and everything at the precinct, which is why all of that has been left relatively unresolved. I'm sure the writers are going to come up with an absolutely brilliant way to have Kate return to the precinct and have Ryan and Espo work things out, so I'm going to leave that job to them. This was just supposed to trace the aftermath of _Always_ and the early stages of Castle and Beckett's relationship. _

_3. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed and promoted this fic, etc. You guys never cease to amaze me with your kind words and feedback. I know I didn't reply to very many reviews, but know that I read and appreciate every single one._

_Diana_


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